he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
