i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
