I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
