Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
