I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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