I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
