I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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