____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize