remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
