Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
