When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All the doctor said was why
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
