i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
