I looked at my own cervix.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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