You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
