john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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