And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
