Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
