you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
