So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
