it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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