My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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