Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
