I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
