so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
