i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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