Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
