Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
