We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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