Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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