my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
