I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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