The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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