I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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