Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we made out on top of his cat.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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