i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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