these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
