i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
