Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
