I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
