What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
