Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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