Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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