I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
