I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
