Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
