I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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