I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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