Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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