Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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