Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
