i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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