Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
