Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
