Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
