I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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