Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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