She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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