thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
