I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
