We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize