My room smells like vodka and shame
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Will exercising make me less horny?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
