i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
