i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
