after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
