You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
