she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
