FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
