What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize