I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
