Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
