we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
