my being single is dangerous.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
