I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
