The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
