how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
