Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
