Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Screwed.edu
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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