what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
