I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
