You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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