Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
