I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
