I wanna bring you to show and tell
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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